January 8, 2014

PERSONAL MESSAGE i am evil/need 4 MERCYYYYYYYYYYYY

i have a confession to make.

i am evil.

i am still a wretched sinner.
i am not holy,
i am not living as jesus would have me to.
i am a hypocrite.
i am living a lie,.
i am living a double life,.
i have another side to me.
it is not good.
it is selfish.
i am very vain
i have my own 'agenda'.
i am doing detrimental things.
i have 'secret' sins.
i have never been delivered from such things.
i am in addiction.
i have lust.
i have anger,
i have rage.
i have jealousy.
i have malice.
i have unforgiveness.
i have sex addiction , in my mind
i am trying to be honest now.
i do not want to hurt god
i am living a lie
i am not a good person
i am not a role model
i am not worthy to do this
i cannot pretend
my life is chaos
i need a break
i need to get well, be free, be myself
sorry


maybe i'll shut this writing thing down for awhile (for ever?)
maybe someone else can take it over
i will see what happens  thank you all for reading
i may put on  a few more messages, songs, etc...but i probably need to stop for a rest

THIS IS WHY I DESPERATELY NEED JESUS, CONSTANTLY, THROUGH THE 'GOOD' TIMES AND  'BAD' TIMES OF MY LIFE....I AM STILL HIS CHILD, HIS DAUGHTER,  EVEN THOUGH I AM HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE AND NEED HIS HELP EVEN MORE...I HAVE TO CLING TO HIS HOPE OF MERCY...DEAR GO FORGIVE ME

"Say Hello 2 Heaven" - Chris Cornell

not a 'christiansong per se (or is it?)  i just love it, whatever it is!!

Demon Hunter - "My Heartstrings Come Undone" ( lyrics )

Falling up - " Searchlights " (indoor soccer version0

just let me know--

"Treason" - Kutless

i do the things i now i shouldn't

Kutless - 'Troubled Heart"

A screaming man falls to his knees
His broken heart, inflicts the pain
He's withdrawn, no one knows his name
One mistake, now he's lost in shame

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

Yes it's true, that someone cares
Your perfect friend, never leaving you
Strength is gone and you're feeling cold
You will know the truth that He told

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

By Your grace You repair the broken pieces within
Somehow You take a man and make something more out of him

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

Kutless - Perspective *

Fireflight - "For Those Who Wait"

Fireflight - "Unbreakable"

Believe - "Mainstay"

even if i'm all alone, i still believe

ELLE G. by Newsboys

about suicide of a friend

Newsboys - "Lost The Sky Again"

Blindside: "Midnight"

Blindside - 'Sleepwalking'

One day,
This world, will see me at the horizon 
One day, 
From a distant light 
Just before I stand, to face my love 
I'll turn around
And with a smile I'll say my goodbyes 
One last goodbye 
Goodbye... (x3)

Sleepwalk in the light 
Sleep this time tonight 
Sleepwalk out of sight 

Sleep this time tonight 
Sleepwalk in the light 
Sleep this time tonigh

Brandon Heath - "Give Me Your Eyes"

Tenth Avenue North - "You Are More"

Kutless -- "What Faith Can Do "

Third Day - "Show Me Your Glory"

Disciple - "Things Left Unsaid"

"To Bring You Back" By Paul Alan

in Him was life

in Him was life